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Jeanne Phillips

Man seems to be a friend only when he needs a hand

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been so-called friends with a man I’ll call “Roy” for almost 30 years. During the 23 years I have been in the picture, I have noticed their friendship seems one-sided.
We hear from Roy only when he’s down on his luck or needs help moving or lifting something. Last year he began dating someone new. He has had many girlfriends and we have not met a third of them. Since this courtship began, Roy has changed his number at least four times, and each time, my husband has had to call around to get his supposedly best friend’s phone number.
Well, Roy proposed (for the first time ever) to this girlfriend. About a week later he texted my husband a photo of the ring with the caption: “She said yes, and you are the best man!” That was over a year ago. My husband still hasn’t met the fiancée. But other friends of theirs have been invited on outings and met her during the year.
I feel Roy is using my husband because he knows he makes decent money and can come through to fund all the best man duties. I don’t want my husband to keep playing the fool.
Is this normal friend behavior?

DEAR PROTECTIVE: No, it’s not. Your husband’s “best friend” appears to be a user.
From where I sit, he is being treated more as a reliable resource than a friend, let alone a “best” friend. However, after 30 years, your spouse may be so accustomed to it that he doesn’t know the difference. How sad.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I met the untouchable Ice Prince Charming and somehow managed to snatch him up a few months ago. But now that he has “defrosted” and we’re starting to settle into a relationship, I’m realizing that my “prince” is a bit too charming.
This may sound nuts, but I’m getting sick from all the sugary sweet affection all the time, and I can’t get him to answer anything for himself. It’s always, “It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you. It doesn’t matter, you’re better/your opinion is better. You’re so great, amazing, cute, etc. Love you, our kids will be so cute, I wanna marry you, etc.” And nothing else. He won’t even let me compliment him.
We used to have intellectual arguments, dumb competitions, talk all night about fun things we wanted to do one day or just sit around and snark at each other when we weren’t going at our sometimes separate hobbies. I know all every girl wants is her boyfriend to be sweet, so why does it bother me? Am I crazy? How do I get my best friend back?

JERSEY GIRL: Here’s how. Tell him exactly what you have told me.
He may be love drunk, but if that doesn’t sober him up, then it may be time to find a prince who’s less charming and better suited to you.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.


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