Family would rather punish than praise recovering addict
DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering drug addict. I have slipped, as many do, but I have been clean for four years now. The problem is my family. If I look tired, trip over my own two feet (I’m clumsy) or just don’t want to be around people, I get questioned, yelled at, accused, etc.
Abby, they do random drug screens at my job. I have passed every one, and I have made amends for my past wrongdoings. But the last time I was accused, after trying to express my feelings calmly, I exploded and vented my frustration. Now my family won’t have anything to do with me.
Truth be told, since the breakup, I have experienced a boost in self-esteem, but I miss them. I have apologized, but they still won’t talk to me.
How many times must I swallow their accusations? They say I’m in the wrong. Is it wrong that I’ve had enough? Should I keep apologizing or leave it be? Shouldn’t they be proud that I’ve stayed clean?
FED UP IN TEXAS
DEAR FED UP: They should be, but apparently they aren’t and haven’t trusted your sobriety, which is why they couldn’t let your period of addiction go. Because you have apologized and your apologies haven’t been accepted, it is time to look forward, form new relationships and move on.
I think that would be a healthier path to take than continuing to beg forgiveness from relatives who are unwilling to give it and would rather punish you. Don’t you?
DEAR ABBY: I have a sister who laughs after everything she says (it doesn’t matter the topic). She stayed at my house for four nights and it drove me insane. I figured I could put up with it for four days, which I did, but it wasn’t easy. I didn’t say anything at the time for fear of hurting her feelings and/or possibly ruining her short vacation.
In addition, our main form of communication is texting (which she does often), and I swear she can put five or six LOLs in every text. I know she thinks she’s funny, but she doesn’t have to tell me with every sentence. This may seem like a petty thing to gripe about, but it is very irritating. (By the way, she’s not funny.) Thoughts, Abby?
SOURPUSS IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SOURPUSS: Your sister’s laughter may be more a nervous habit than an attempt at humor, so I’m glad you held your tongue. However, if all those LOLs in her texts are a distraction, you’re perfectly within your rights to tell her so, and it shouldn’t cause hurt feelings.
DEAR ABBY: I don’t understand the new trend of asking wedding attendees to pay for the honeymoon. I’m especially put off by a couple entering second marriages for both of them.
“Dick” and “Jane” are both established in well-paying careers. They are not only asking people to pay for their airfare, but also to donate cash for shopping sprees. This seems presumptuous to me. What do you think?
DEAR I.N.A.: I agree! What you received wasn’t a wedding invitation; it was a solicitation and should be regarded as such.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.